I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
