I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
