Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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