Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
