My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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