false alarm. still invincible.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
