Well douche your snatch and let's go!
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
