my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
