Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Vodka?
Forever.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
