i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
