Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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