she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
