Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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