Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
