I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
