just come out here and I will go home with you...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
