Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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