oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
you traded sex for a burrito?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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