:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
