I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
