My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
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