so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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