I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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