Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
