you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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