My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
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