he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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