How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
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