she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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