ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Blood and glitter go together right?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
