I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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