i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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