I feel like abortions should bother me more
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
