The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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