it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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