Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
