So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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