I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Randomize
