I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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