either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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