im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize