I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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