he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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