Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
