Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
It's rum buckets o'clock
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
