I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
