; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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