it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
