well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
