"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
