Soap is not a condiment
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
