I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
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