Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize
