i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
