Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
