I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
