So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
