Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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