dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
