Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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