is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
