Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
