Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
