I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
