Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
