apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
