Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
