There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
