So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
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Drunk walkin through police station. America
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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