My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
