Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
