Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
